


Who Lives in a Pineapple Under the Sea?

by Sue Corkill (mscorkill)



Series: Fruit Basket Upset [4]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-17
Updated: 2012-05-17
Packaged: 2017-11-05 12:56:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mscorkill/pseuds/Sue%20Corkill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack's oatmeal seduction doesn't work out quite like he'd planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Lives in a Pineapple Under the Sea?

**Author's Note:**

> Just more fruit silliness.
> 
> Originally posted August 2004.

WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?

_"Be a good boy, Jack, and open wide."_

_Jack obediently opened his mouth as the spoonful of oatmeal came ever closer. When it was finally in reach, he closed his mouth and the creamy brown sugar cinnamon oatmeal slid onto his tongue._

_"Such a good boy, Jack," Sam cooed. She straightened up, stirring the bowl of oatmeal she held, looking both indulgent and triumphant,_

_Jack found it mildly disturbing that Sam-dressed like some sort of sexy pilgrim in a short black dress with a white apron, complete with fishnet stockings, stilettos and funny white bonnet-was spoon feeding him oatmeal. But the oatmeal tasted so good and when Sam held out another heaping spoonful for him, her blue eyes twinkling with delight, he eagerly opened his mouth. His nose twitched when the first, heady scent of cinnamon wafted his way. He was almost drooling as the spoon glided through the air toward him, Sam's softly murmured encouragement heightening his anticipation._

_"Are you ready kids?"_

_Wait...that wasn't Sam's voice. Jack looked around in confusion as a shrill chorus of voices responded to the question, ringing throughout the kitchen. "Aye-aye, Captain."_

_Captain? He eyed the epaulets of Sam's apron and saw only the familiar gold oak clusters._

_"I can't hear you!" Her mouth was moving, but it wasn't her voice. It sounded like someone doing a very bad imitation of Long John Silver._

_"Aye-aye, Captain!" Jack suddenly found himself parroting along with the kiddy chorus._

_"Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"_

_"SpongeBob SquarePants!"_

Jack forced himself to wake up, the horrible singing and image of Sam suddenly morphing into a pirate turning his pleasant dream into a horrendous nightmare populated with yellow, talking sponges. He sat up, ignoring Sam's grumbled protest as he pulled out of her arms. She mumbled something unintelligible and rolled over, burrowing her head deeper in the pillow. Jack wanted nothing more to than to burrow down with her, but he had some business to take care of first. He looked with bleary eyes at the clock, the illuminated numbers seemed to jeer at him. For crying out loud, it was barely 0700! Jack stumbled to the bathroom, the abrasive sound of the _SpongeBob SquarePants_ theme song finally fading when he closed the door.

When he emerged ten minutes later, slightly less bleary eyed and wearing his discarded boxers from the previous evening, he could only hear a low murmuring from beyond the bedroom. Sam was an unmoving lump under the sheets and he cast a regretful look at her as he carefully eased the bedroom door open and headed down the hall. 

Shaking his head, he stopped at the entry to the living room and surveyed the scene before him. Teal'c lay sprawled on the sofa, eyes glued to the TV, apparently enthralled by the watery antics of SpongeBob. A cheerful whistling from the direction of the kitchen alerted Jack to Jonas' whereabouts. 

Jack stepped into the living room, grabbed the remote off the coffee table and, ignoring Teal'c's frown and raised eyebrow, muted the sound. "T, what the hell-" 

"Breakfast's ready!" Jonas sang out, stepping into the room carrying a tray with two large bowls of what looked suspiciously like oatmeal. He stopped abruptly when he saw Jack. "Ah...good morning, Colonel," he stammered, his bright smile fading. 

Jack glowered at Jonas. "Is that oatmeal?" he asked, his voice deadly quiet. And then Jack took a closer look. "Oatmeal with fresh strawberries?"

Jonas looked baffled, he clearly hadn't expected that particular question. "Yes, it is." And then he added in that painfully earnest way he had as he set the tray down on the coffee table in front of Teal'c, "You're out of oatmeal, by the way."

"I'm out of oatmeal?"

Teal'c had already started eating and Jonas sat down next to him, picking up the other bowl and his spoon. He waved his spoon at Jack before scooping up a huge spoonful of oatmeal. "Yeah, and milk. I've started a grocery list for you." And with that, he put the whole spoon of oatmeal in his mouth. 

"O'Neill?"

Jack looked at Teal'c, who was looking pointedly at the remote still clutched in his hand. "Right," he muttered dryly, turning the sound back on and tossing the remote onto the sofa next to Jonas. He stood for a moment longer, staring at his so-called friends, both apparently oblivious to everything except the bowls of oatmeal they were wolfing down and the antics of the animated sponge...thing.

"I'm going back to bed," Jack announced. 

"Okay," Jonas mumbled, around a mouthful of oatmeal, while Teal'c merely grunted. 

Jack gave them one, last pained look-which was ignored-and headed back to the bedroom. "Damn aliens," he muttered, as he slipped back into the quiet, dimly lit room. Tugging his boxers off and dropping them on the floor, he crawled back into bed with Sam. "Damn aliens," he muttered again, snuggling up behind Sam and pulling her into the cradle of his body.

"What?" she murmured drowsily.

"Teal'c and Jonas," he groused, trying to hang onto his annoyance with their teammates, but it was difficult when he was holding such a warm, soft body close. "They ate all the oatmeal and strawberries," he whined. "And they're watching that stupid sponge cartoon."

"Oh," she replied, sounding a bit more awake. Sam rolled onto her back then and looked up at him. Her hair was tousled from sleep; her blue eyes still drowsy and she looked incredibly sexy. "Teal'c must've gotten the first season boxed set he ordered."

"They made a DVD boxed set of _SpongeBob SquarePants?_ "

"They make boxed sets of most everything, Jack, except _MacGyver_."

Jack snorted. Sam smiled up at him, looping her arms around his neck. "So, the boys ate the last of the oatmeal? Does this mean no oatmeal seduction?"

"'Fraid so," he drawled, bending down and kissing her briefly before leaning back on one elbow and tugging the covers down her luscious body. He left them tangled around her knees and then ran his hand slowly up her outer thigh, across her belly, to just below her breasts. She was so beautiful, her pale skin so smooth and soft, he knew he'd never get tired of looking at her, touching her. Idly rubbing his thumb across one nipple and he delighted in the shiver that ran through her. "I'm sure I can think of something."''

"Is that right?" She smiled up at him, her fingers idly caressing his nape; her eyes brimming with affection and desire. 

"That's right," he murmured. Eager to taste her sweet lips once more, Jack leaned over her. "What the-oomph," he gasped, when she suddenly slithered out from under him, his surprise giving her the advantage and she pushed him onto his back. Sam straddled his hips; his hands came up to grasp her waist and he groaned when she wriggled against him. Her smile was wicked and Jack felt a surge of lust rush through his already overheated body. His hands tightened on her waist, intending to take back control, and she must've recognized the look in his eyes, because hers narrowed.

"None of that," she ordered. Before he could react, her thighs squeezed him tighter and she grabbed his wrists firmly, planting his hands on either side of his head. Of course he could have protested, but he didn't, instead he relaxed his arms and smiled up benignly at his lover. Her smiled turned triumphant, which only turned him on even more.

"Better?" She released his wrists and slowly straightened up, trailing her nails up the sensitive flesh on the inside of his arms. He felt even more blood rush to his groin and groaned in helpless pleasure when she raked her nails down his chest. "Hmm...sounds like it," she murmured huskily, readjusting her position yet again when she squirmed delicately against him. His soft moan of pleasure was lost when her lips descended to his and he immediately opened his mouth to her hungry kiss.

Her kiss was everything he'd come to expect and desperately need, her tongue sweeping deep and caressing his intimately, stroking and arousing with expert knowledge of just how to arouse him. His hands clenched into fists next to his head and he shifted restlessly. "Easy," she whispered, against his lips. Jack closed his eyes and forced himself to relax, suppressing the primal urge to just finish it now and thrust deeply into her soft body. 

"That's a good boy," she murmured, and began placing soft, wet kisses along his jaw line to his ear. Jack flashed back briefly to his earlier dream, but any thoughts of oatmeal and Quaker Sam were forgotten as the light, teasing touches sent delicate streamers of arousal down his spine. He could have handled that, but when she began rubbing her breasts against his chest while she sucked on his ear lobe, it was almost more than he could take. He let out a ragged breath, working to keep his control, because even though what she was doing now felt incredible, he knew what was coming would be even better.

It was if she had read his mind, because the next thing Jack knew, Sam was slithering down his body. The tantalizing touches of her hot flesh on his penis when she moved made his breath catch and he couldn't stop the low groan that rumbled deep in his chest. 

"Something wrong, Jack?" she asked.

Jack's sensitive hearing picked up just the slightest quiver in Sam's voice when she spoke. Forcing his eyes open, he looked up at her. She smiled down at him, still looking the epitome of control. But he could see the rapid rise and fall of her chest, the slightly glazed look in her baby blues and the slight flush of arousal coloring her cheeks and throat. "Not a thing," he managed to mutter.

"Good," she purred. "Because I'd hate to have to stop."

"Don't even think about stopping," he growled. 

"Oh, don't worry, lover. I'm not going to be stopping for a long time." With that said, she slid further down his body and insinuated herself between his legs. 

Jack shifted, making room for her, and then all rationale thought left his brain when she grasped his penis and brought her mouth down to him. With the first delicate touch of her tongue, he whimpered and when she caressed him with her lips, he moaned in helpless pleasure. If he knew exactly how to touch and arouse Sam, the same could be said for her-she knew exactly how to caress and stroke him. And it seemed like she was using every bit of that knowledge this morning. The pleasure was exquisite and Jack knew his knuckles were white from gripping the pillow under his head, the only way he could keep from reaching out and touching her.

"Sam," he moaned, his hips moving now with every rhythmic stroke of her hands. Her tongue swirled around the head of his penis and he couldn't stop his helpless plea. "Sam...please...." The intense caresses suddenly stopped and Jack's eyes flew open. 

She looked up at him and smiled innocently. "What's the matter, Jack?" And then she slowly licked her lips.

She was killing him, he felt his whole body tighten with the provocative movement, even more blood flowing to his already painfully engorged penis. "Just you wait," he ground out, panting slightly, "until I get more oatmeal."

Her laugh was low and husky. "Promises, promises," she teased, her voice as strained sounding as his.

"Sam," he growled. This time it was more of a warning than a plea and she responded immediately. 

Her eyes darkened when she rose up on her knees, once more straddling his hips. Jack didn't resist the urge to touch her now, reaching up with strong hands at her waist and steadying her as she hovered over him. She didn't protest, her lips curving into a knowing smile, and then she grasped his penis and guided him to her waiting body. 

Jack watched her, his eyes glued to her face as she slowly sank down onto him. He didn't know what was better-the incredible feeling of her body enfolding him so tightly or the look of intense pleasure on her face as he filled her. Whichever one it was though, faded into insignificance when she started to move. Slowly at first, a simple up and down movement that had him straining to follow, unwilling to be separated from her for a single instance. But soon, slow and easy wasn't enough-for either of them. 

"Jack," she moaned, settling her full weight on him and taking him deep. She grasped his wrists then and he moaned when she shifted forward, once more forcing his hands down onto the bed by his head. But this time, she laced her fingers with his and started moving. She rocked her hips against him, the change of position intensifying the sensations for both of them. He moved with her, settling into an easy rhythm that he knew would ensure her pleasure, as well as his. 

Just audible over the sounds of their labored breathing and the creaking of the bed frame, Jack could hear the raucous music of the SpongeBob theme song again. A part of him couldn't believe he was making love to Sam-again-while Teal'c and Jonas were in the house. He was really going to have to see about getting those two some place else to hang out on the weekends or else change his locks. But what he really hoped was that the sound on the TV was turned up loud enough that they wouldn't be able to hear any of the activity in the bedroom. Not that they didn't know what was going on anyway....

Sam started moving more frantically against him, driving all thoughts of SpongeBob and visiting aliens out of his brain, his attention fully focused on the woman driving him ever closer to the brink of unbelievable pleasure. He started to move his hands, intent on helping her, but she leaned more heavily onto him. 

"No, Jack," she panted, "just-" He thrust up sharply and she countered that movement by grinding her pelvis hard against him. "Yes," she gasped, her eyes closing, a look of intense concentration on her face. Jack could feel the first tremors of her orgasm, her delicate internal muscles starting to contract around him. Continuing to thrust against her, Jack released the rigid control he had maintained so far, letting his release flow through him. 

He groaned her name, straining against her as instinct compelled him to thrust as deep as possible, emptying his seed into her silky depths. Jack was dimly aware that Sam had collapsed onto his chest, her muscles still contracting around him while she trembled against him in the aftermath of her orgasm. And then he couldn't think anymore as ecstasy poured through him, driving everything out of his mind except how incredible it was to love Samantha Carter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Is there anymore orange juice, Jonas Quinn?"

Jonas leaned forward from where he lounged on the sofa and shook the carton of Minute Maid. "Nope," he replied. "Better add that to the shopping list."

Jonas thought Teal'c almost frowned, but then he stood and answered calmly. "O'Neill oftentimes keeps orange juice concentrate in his freezer."

"Orange juice concentrate?" Jonas was intrigued and followed Teal'c into the kitchen. "Just what is that?" he asked, as he watched Teal'c rummage through the freezer compartment of the Colonel's refrigerator.

"It is condensed fruit juice that is mixed with water to form a drinkable mixture." Teal'c did frown then. "O'Neill does not appear to have any orange juice. He does however have pineapple juice."

Jonas grinned. "Just like SpongeBob." 

"Indeed."

Jonas watched with interest then as Teal'c proceeded to make the pineapple juice. "When do you think they'll get up?"

"They?" Teal'c asked silkily, as he stopped stirring the pineapple juice and raised an eyebrow. 

Jonas just ignored his icy look and grinned happily at the frowning Jaffa. "Yeah, like she's not here."

A smile that was completely unrelated to the antics of SpongeBob finally broke Teal'c's somber expression. "I believe you speak the truth, Jonas Quinn. I can think of no other place Major Carter would be, than here."

Jonas had an unexpected thought then, remembering O'Neill's reaction to their breakfast. "You don't think the Colonel was planning on making oatmeal for breakfast?"

Teal'c calmly opened one of the kitchen cupboards. "O'Neill appears to have plenty of Froot Loops, I do not believe either he or Major Carter will suffer."

Jonas wasn't completely reassured. "I hope you're right," he muttered, following Teal'c and the pitcher of pineapple juice back into the living room just as the DVD started replaying.

_"Are you ready kids?_

_"Aye-Aye, Captain!"_

_"I can't hear you!"_

_"Aye-Aye, Captain!"_

_"Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"_

_"SpongeBob SquarePants!"_

THE END


End file.
